Necromancer Survival

now.” Seo Dawon apologized with a face that didn’t seem sorry at all.

     A little while earlier, the Mage placed a strange suggestion on me.
I had no idea what exactly it entailed, but my head kept imagining the eerie feeling of being forcibly held at knifepoint.

      I vividly felt anxious about what would happen to Seo Dawon if I were to say [that word] that I could not pronounce at the moment.
I couldn’t stand the idea that such a creepy thing may occur against my will.
I lowered my face into my two hands.
“What the hell…are you doing.”

      “I’m doing what’s necessary…..something that must be done even if you despise it.”

      In the end, Seo Dawon had no desire to explain.
Whether I misunderstood him or hated him, it was as if he were telling me to feel however I wanted.

      Bracing myself for dismissal, once again I asked him, “Why…to me…Haah…”

      “……”

     “Why must you go this far… It makes me think you’ll be hurt by me.”

      “…Because, that’s how I want it.”

      I was stunned at the unexpected answer.

     It was true that Seo Dawon has often made me feel anxious or intimidated.
I had thought that his personality was terribly oppressive and that he was a perfectionist.

      So, while I thought that Seo Dawon was coercive, I thought he was ignoring me because he thought my abilities were trivial.
Days that were spent happily, days that he suddenly became cold despite what I thought was a progressing relationship.
I remembered being swayed between those two moods and asked, hopeful, “Perhaps… the scary way you crave for my being…is that the reason why?”

      “Mm, like what?”

     “That… When I say something or mumble, you stare intensely at me.
When we lock gazes, you turn your head away…” 1

      “I don’t know about that.”

      He’s pretending to not know.
However, throughout this conversation, it seems like I’ve found some clues about his extreme behavior.

      Seo Dawon is holding in some dangerous impulse–an urge he has no control over.
But, it must have been tolerable at first? That feeling must have gotten worse as time flowed on…

      ‘…….It must be incredibly painful.’

      Even with that personality, I was able to grasp some hints with my dense head; perhaps his feelings are exploding after being patient for such a long time? If so, what’s the cause? Was Seo Dawon exposed to any serious harm or curse while I remained ignorant?

      ‘……Curse?’

      At that moment, a name flashed across my mind.
‘Koo Hui-seo…?’

      So I hurriedly asked, “Are you injured? Or…”

      Seo Dawon answered obediently, “It’s not something like an injury.
Perhaps it’s more like a penalty.
For now…”

      “……”

      “But, I think I’m drawing closer to the limit of my self-control.” Seo Dawon said calmly, before sitting with a thud next to me.

      However, even after revealing all that, he had no further words to add.
Now, rather than being frustrated by his incomprehensible attitude, I thought that he must be constrained by some circumstances.
Before I asked, he was unable to say it…And even if I asked, he was unable to express himself properly…

       “What that exactly is… I guess you can’t really tell me.”

       Seo Dawon did not confirm nor deny and simply stared at me.
By those actions, I was convinced of my guess.

      ‘It feels like he’s under some ban.
He’s not allowed to say whatever it is by his own mouth…Or perhaps there are specific conditions to his silence.’

      “Then… Then maybe…does kissing me bring you some relief?” I asked.

      If so, then does skinship improve or have a big effect on his obsession with ‘me’? Seo Dawon’s random kiss could be explained through this logic.

      I looked at him, that thought lingering in my mind.

     But, pausing for a moment, Seo Dawon answered with a chuckle, “Does that make sense? That was something I just wanted to do.”

     “W….What?”

     “What kind of mental illness could ever be cured with kisses?”

     “No, I mean…”

     “Are you a doctor?”

TL: There’s a lot here but, to sum it up–

Dawon’s bloodlust had gotten worse through time–he did something and was perhaps…penalized for it? I’m just as blind as many of you guys–maybe he tried to go against the system? Similarly, Seo Dawon seems to be confused as to what his feelings entail.
(Understandable, there’s so many influences on him, he must be just as confused as MC).

Poor MC though.
I wouldn’t know what to do with what essentially amounts to a remote control to a kill button or a shock collar.

Footnotes

This is intentionally vague btw.
What Choi Lee-kyung is saying could be symptoms of a crush on someone, but also could be reminiscent of Seo Dawon’s obsession for his blood/body/everything.