Necromancer Survival

little depressed and clenched my lips shut.
Almost automatically, I fired back a reproach, “Y-You… You’re too fast.
And, I… You know I’m nervous.”

     “……”

     “Doing these sorts of things may mean nothing to you, but…” As I spoke, I took a sly glance at the Mage.
I thought he would laugh or treat me like a fool, but he looked somewhat annoyed.

     Seo Dawon kept his mouth shut, as if to stop himself from talking out loud; but, I could clearly see that his excited energy was dampened.
So, I stopped talking, letting my words dissipate vaguely.

     Twisting the ring on his thumb–as he usually did when annoyed, the Mage said, “I get it.
I’ll keep my mouth closed next time.”

     “It’s not just that…”

     “However, why do you always think I’m sneering at you? If you don’t trust me, activate my [current mood] and check my thoughts.”

     Startled, I cringed at the Mage’s rapid-fire bluntness.
However, he didn’t stop there and pinched at my cheeks, holding onto my stretched skin.
I couldn’t complain and simply stared at him.

     Still maintaining that position, Seo Dawon, who was either angry or frustrated, said coldly, “I like you, Lee-kyung-ah.
I don’t know if you’re the type whose affections cool off once the chase is over and you have your hands on the prize, though.”

     “What…?”

     The way he spoke… I didn’t think the confession was his end goal–I felt a little out of the loop.
Seo Dawon’s ‘confession’ did not end there; he continued, as if pushing me with his cold tone, “But what can I do? I’m truly sorry I’m not a fantastic man as you’ve imagined… Honestly, I was so nervous yesterday I couldn’t even fulfill a tenth of my usual vulgar thoughts.
I just ‘helped’ you a little with my hands.”

     “…W-Wait a minute!” I wanted to cover the Mage’s mouth, but, when my fingers touched his lips, he bit them quite painfully.

     When I withdrew in surprise, he said sarcastically, “Honestly, the fact that you’ve never thought about being with me in this way… I wonder if it’s because of my body’s defects.
I suppose your brain blocked all these potentialities.
‘What could you do with a dead man?’ etc.”

     “I-It’s not like that…”

     “Whenever I say, ‘I like you,’ I mean it.
Body and all.
But, everytime I say something like this, you’re so scared; it’s as if I dropped some sort of bomb.”

     “……”

     “Or, were you thinking you’d just hold my hand and change my clothes? Like playing with dolls?”

     Seo Dawon appeared as if he were picking a fight–his tone certainly suggested his eagerness to tussle.

     My lips quivered before I spoke clearly, “You…really need to fix your habit of speaking so meanly.”

     Seo Dawon snorted.
“Why? Is this breaking your fantasies?”

     “…And I’ve already said that being ‘dead’ isn’t one of your flaws!” Eventually, I also exploded.
I pushed the Mage away; he docilely retreated a few steps.
We stared at each other, the comfortable bed in between us, as if we wanted to rip into and eat each other.

     I opened my mouth first.
“You keep on talking about your death as if I… As if you think I’m treating you like an object instead of a human.
I-I’m not…a deviant paraphile, alright?” 2

     There were too many things to argue, but I felt like my head was being overloaded due to my anger.
Meanwhile, Seo Dawon snorted at my statement.

     ‘Oh, he really wants to try this with me?’ I gritted my molars and finished what I had to say.
“And, about your past… I now know how strongly I sympathized and simply went with your opinions because of the Vengeful Ghost Memories… But, that’s not everything!”

     However, Seo Dawon didn’t answer.
He looked suspicious, as if there were some underlying conspiracy for why I liked him.

     I added angrily, “Why must my affections for you be tested everytime?”

     “I can’t read your mind.
How can I believe you when you show no signs of it.”

     At that remark, I sarcastically thought, ‘So, he’s able to hide that sort of insecurity and still do *those sorts of things* yesterday, huh…?’

     “So, basically, you’re only able to make assumptions from my reactions.
Is that what you’re saying?” In other words, everytime I rejected him, he couldn’t prevent such insecure thoughts from popping up? I was frustrated, but I stepped back and squeezed out, “I… As long as you don’t talk as if you’re ridiculing or making fun of me, I don’t hate it!”

     “I didn’t make fun of you.”

     “You were laughing!”

     “Can’t I laugh because I like you?”

Footnotes

By ‘this body,’ Seo Dawon means his ghostly body.  paraphilia = sexual desire towards objects.
Think of the lady that married the eiffel tower or the man who married his anime body pillow.